Genuinely Jenai Advice Column: Friendship Edition

Better Together// Building relationships is so important during every phase of life, but especially high school. However, relationships are complex, so discussing and answering those questions is such a valuable way to navigate such an important era of our lives. (Photo by Jenai Atherall)

“How do you become friends with someone who already has a friend group?”

Dear reader,

Thank you for your question. When you are searching for friends, especially in high school, it is very understandable to feel as though everyone is already in their groups. However, the one thing I want you to remember is that if you are meant to be friends with somebody—it will happen. Never try to change yourself or compare yourself to other people in the group simply to fit in, because when all is said and done, even if you do make it into a group that you are faking yourself to be a part of, you might be miserable trying to keep up with a false identity.

Someone who is a real friend will love you the way you are, and you will love them the way they are. A real friend will not leave you guessing or make you jump through obstacles just to be their friend. So a good rule of thumb to live by is that if you have to force it or fake it, it probably is not meant to be. 

That being said, this does not, of course, mean that those friends will be dropped into your lap; a large part of you finding those friends, or them finding you, is by you going out to pursue those friendships. For example, joining clubs, asking to sit at tables during lunch, starting small-talk before/after class, etc.. Joining clubs in particular is a great option because you are seeking like-minded people who likely have something in common with you that you can bond over. 

However, if you do decide to make friends with them, reaching out by asking to hang out or sitting at lunch with them are great ways to show you care. From there, you can become a part of those groups that those friends are without just awkwardly trying to force yourself in. At the end of the day, any real friend will want to be your friend, and won’t leave you guessing if you are. Just be yourself and search for your people; I promise you that you will find them.